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The thing that struck me about your post was "teenager". When teenagers are angry they say what they think will hurt the most and adopted teens have the whole "real" thing to throw in their parents' faces when they're looking for something to throw. And they don't stay angry teenagers forever. The hormones stabilize and they mature into adults.

But here's the thing, if they know that you'll always be okay with them re-connecting with or staying connected with their birthfamilies then it's not a horrible threat or an insult- it's just a natural thing that's expected that you can acknowledge their need for and support and help them through as your child's parents.

I will give you a gentle suggestion that many adoptees take great offense at being labeled as Ungrateful because they wish to know their birth origins. In fact, some adoptees here who have great relationships with their adoptive parents are with parents who've said "Of course you want to know. I'd want to know too if I were you" and stay their loving and supportive parent through that process with their child. Also, a child should never be expected to be grateful for being adopted, any more than you would like to be expected to be grateful for being born. Adoption does not create a debt of obligation for the child, it just makes a family out of legal relationship rather than genetic relationship and everyone shares equally in the benefits and struggles of the parent-child relationship as all parents and children do.

Best wishes in your decision as a couple. It's okay to be hesitant and it's a great motivation to learn as much as you can so that you both are making a fully informed decision.