[sak9645]

A couple more things:

Expect some behaviors that may be associated with attachment disorder, such as: failure to make eye contact, failure to respond normally to hugs, failure to go to you for comfort or help if hurt, under- or over-reaction to stimuli such as loud noises, failure to distinguish between you and strangers in terms of giving affection, outrageous lies (the stuffed dog wrote on the wall), manipulative behaviors, etc.

Only time will tell if these behaviors will go away on their own as the child settles in. Many of these behaviors WILL go away, without professional help, as the child comes to feel affection for you and learns what appropriate behavior in a family is supposed to be.

There are many things you can do to encourage the development of normal attachment -- carrying or rocking the child, playing mirror games and other games that promote eye contact, minimizing the presence of other people for a while (especially in a caregiving role), and so on. Consult books and websites for techniques that may be applicable to your situation.

But, of course, some children do not overcome attachment issues without professional help. Begin looking for resources that you can use when you get to Canada, or even in your current country of residence.

Remember that there is almost always a testing period, too. Before trusting you totally, they want to be absolutely certain that you will love them forever, no matter what. So they may try out some bad behaviors, simply to get your reaction; will you hit them, or return them to the orphanage, or what? You will need to practice setting boundaries, while making it clear that your love for the child is unconditional.

And remember that, no matter how good it is, an orphanage is no substitute for a family. Your child probably has no memory about what life in a family is like; she may also have negative memories, if neglect, abuse, or other issues were present in her birth family. Your job will be to teach her how to live in a family, in terms of sharing, caring, following rules, and so on.

Sharon