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I understand what you're saying and it's good to know that you feel good about birthmothers but I do have to say, it's not always best for the child or the mother.
A lot of times the child is given up merely because the woman can't see the future and know things can work out if given the time. She thinks there's never going to be a time when SHE will be able to give her child the things she wants them to have.
There are those convinced by society that giving your child away is "right" for the child because the child needs all these "things" and "two" parents yet there are people who are single adopting children and people who adopt a child who struggle financially their entire lives and the child doesn't get the "things" they "want" only the things they "need". So how can that be better than the original mother keeping her own child if she can at least provide the things the child "needs"?
I just feel if a woman/girl is giving her child up so the child can have "things" or "two parents" they are misguided in what's right and wrong for the child. How can a child being taken from it's mother be "right" if it's only so the child can have "things" or "two parents"?
The woman is most likely going to get married someday so the child will have two parents. Her circumstances will change and most likely get better and she'll be able to give her child "things".
Of course there are those whose situations that really do warrant giving their child up and some may not ever change in their circumstances and things are better for the mother and child to be parted but that's so rare that things would never change and the girl/woman would not be able to provide the things for her own child that she thinks someone else would be better doing.
I was brainwashed to believe that I would be a bad mother because I was so young but only 2 short years later I was a mother again and married and then 2 more years later another child. I got divorced and then had another child a few years later (not married to the father) and I was a good mother. Not perfect, but good and I did give my children the things they needed. I could have done the same for my first child but no one gave me the chance.
I guess adoption is just not something I think highly of. Yes other people who can't have children and want a family who adopt can be good parents but so many forget the sacrofice the original mother made in giving them that child and don't care what she's going through as long as they (the adoptive parents) can have a family.
Yes there are those who really do appreciate and care about the birth mother but so many don't. Especially those in the closed adoption era. They just feel we as birthmothers should have died so "their" child would never have to deal with us and neither would they.
Sorry to go on like this. I'm just feeling rather depressed about things lately and not having a relationship with my daughter due to her adoptive parents interference. I just can't feel "good" about adoption right now. I really never have.
Rylee
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