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How long was bmom in open adoption with you before she closed it? Did that coincide with her marriage to her new husband? I'm not sure if the open adoption was too much for her and she backed away, or if the new marriage partner has influenced her to not keep in touch, or both. I have heard for some birthmoms, OA is really difficult, as they have a hard time seeing their child and being reminded that he or she is not being raised by them. It can become too much emotionally. Of course, it is best to think in terms of how it will affect the child, and set aside your own emotions for the sake of them, but dealing with difficult emotions is often easier said than done. Some cope better than others. Your daughter's birthmom may be wanting distance from the OA if it is too painful for her. She may have "moved on" in her life and is putting a painful past behind her. There could be any number of reasons.
I had/have a semi-open situation as open was not available at the time I placed my son. This seems to have worked out best for everyone. When I look back now, in retrospect, I wish I could have had open, but when I think of where I was emotionally and maturity-wise at that time, I'm not sure I could have handled it, to be honest. I have very strong opinions and like to take charge of things. I would have had a tendency to want to co-parent, and it would have been hard for me to see my son's parents doing things their way if I did not agree with them. I was also, when I was younger, in great need of emotional support and it wouldn't have been fair to my son's parents to feel they needed to be my support system. I can't speak to how your daughter's birthmom feels, but these are just my ramblings from my own situation.
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