[Janeytwo]

Hey Everbody!! ((( Everybody )))

Thank you all for your wonderful responses!! Hope you all know I feel just the same about all of you!

Maggie

I think that when we need support the most is when we question ourselves.

Amen to that, Maggie!! When I think about how once-upon-a-time I didn't even recognize the triggers? That I was living them, breathing them but clueless to that understanding? That really frightens me. It's like I've lived so long now not buying into the old messages that when I hear them, I'm not prepared and I fall right down the hole. Hope that made sense.

Shadowriderer

What do you say we both stay out of the numb silence? I will if you will.

You got it my dear friend!!

Kerri

but the other emotions--
the ones that i buried but never dealt with are the ones that are attacking me with a vengeance.....

That's the perfect description! One memory in particular came roiling up. The day I walked out of my family's home saying, "I'm done!" I think I actually posted those words on here but really I was reliving that moment! And it was right after that I started yelling at this poor, helpless envelope that'd fallen on the floor of my kitchen. I'm like "Listen you stupid envelope!! I'm going to stomp on you do you hear me? Stomp!!"

And my hubby's watching this and saying, "Baby I don't think the envelope speaks English."

Good grief!!

But you're right, Kerri! It is the past attacking with a vengeance.

i wish I had something profound or helpful to say-

Actually I think everything you said was profound!

Quantum

I came back on this thread to yell at Janey a bit

Yell away buddy! If it's you yelling, then I'm listening 'cuz I know you've only got my best interests at heart.

Ravensong

It's enticing to go back to the familiar silence...but it's spiritually and emotionally lethal, my friend.

Raven Truer words were never spoken my dear friend. Truer words were never spoken.

And it's like we talked about, if a 30 year member can fall off the wagon and take a drink then it can happen to me.

I've seen it happen or twice with the oldtimers and then they pick themselves up, dust themselves off and go to a meeting. One Day A Time. I'm pretty sure God wrote that and then passed it along to us mortals here.

Love you guys!!