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I was also going to mention attachment issues (I feel like a broken record as I seem to see it everywhere now) - and the list above is a great indicator. You are not alone in feeling like you would like a do-over with her. 12 is a tough age - I have a bio (supposedly well adjusted) 12 year old and he's a mess right now. Good luck and I would try to be part of all her therapy sessions.
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