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Originally Posted by amyfk
Indiaadoptee,
please, please, please do not think of yourself as second best.
In the end, I feel love trumps childbirth and family resemblances.
Please do not see yourself as a second class citizen becuase you are not!
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I don't feel inferior about being 2nd choice. That's not what I meant. The thing I'm trying to get across is that, like any adoptee, it really helps if aparents respect the truth and say, "YES, you are 2nd choice."
2nd choice isn't any less than 1st, it's just 2nd, the letter b after a, the number 2 after 1. It's just that too many aparents tell their akids that they were their first choice when in reality the kid wasn't. Like dpen6 said, it's just a fact. Aparents who truly respect their akid acknowledges and accepts the truth.
Oh, and you said that love trumphs over childbirth and family resemblence. You're entitled to your opinion, but I just hope you don't think all the love in the world will tip the scale and take away the adoptee's pain or make the trauma go away. Too many aparents already think that, which is unfortunate-but a no brainer-because that's the way adoption is viewed in our society.