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Originally Posted by twoplus1
Our 15 year old foster daughter came to live with us in Oct 08 and last week gave birth to her daughter. She had planned from the beginning to place her for adoption and she is following through with that plan. She is staying with family this weekend and will come back to our home tomorrow. We were all with her in the hospital and I could see how much she loves her child. I know this is going to be difficult for her. Can anyone provide any insight on how we can best relate to her to meet her needs and help her get through these first difficult days?
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HELLO, I am a Firstmom, 22 yrs into the mistake, sadly there is no FIRST DIFFICULT days, the really dificult days are farther down the road...for most of us. Time MAY make her decision to relinquish, a LITTLE easier, but do not expect her to 'get passed it'. We never get passed it, we never forget, we never get over it..ever..for how can we...we have given away a part of us. I would only suggest, you allow her space..lots of space. Let her know "YOU have no idea of what she is going through...unless, (you have relinqished), then you may share your experience. Encourage her that no matter what time day or night(wake you if she must), you want her to know you will be there to listen, hold her if she wishes to cry, LOVE her, and tell her it is normal (if one can call it that), to feel as she does. make sure she has a therapist, to help guide her along this journey. She will be hormonal for several months to come, so expect her to act in many different ways. Did she sign papers yet? Is there a possability that she could have raised her baby, or was she fed the proverbial( 2 parents, loving couple, nice home, good income household,and baby will get all it needs, cliche? This is used to convince a young mother,"IT IS FOR THE BEST'. It is not for the best,hell we don't even take puppies and kittens away from their mother, for 6-8 weeks, so unless child would have been product of drugs, abuse, or mom was mentally ill. So, please do not re-enforce this idea to her, for this WILL NOT help her. I am so proud that you love this young Firstmom, enough to come here and ask...hopefully she will get better advice from the others. One last thing...do not refer to her as a "Birthmom", she is the childs Firstmom/Natural Mom. Is the adoption open, so that she will(in time see her child and know), or semi-open for updates, annual visits? If she has not signed, I would encourage her..highly...to check out these options...but, I would encourage any loving adult in her life to see if parenting were an option...if she truly wants to parent,she can...she just needs a little help! BLESSINGS to you, and be there..for she will need someone! C.J.
