[lucyjoy]

He's been with you for 4 months. Where has he been the last 3 years? Was he moved around a lot? Was he in one foster home? Is he grieving the only family he knows or is he completely unattached, confused and angry?

One of the symptoms of parenting a child with attachment disorder is overly angry parents. They do suck all your time and energy away from everyone else.

Not sure what you've been doing, but I would suggest spending time holding and rocking him. Sit on the floor and play with him where eye contact and touch is encouraged. Has anyone in his life played peekaboo with him? Blew rasberries on his tummy? Played this little piggy with his toes? He needs those things to fill in things he missed as an infant.

If your married, take turns with your spouse. Some evenings/days(however your work schedules work) have dad watch problem kiddo while you play with other kids. Then some nights switch.

Having him evaluated by an occupational therapist for sensory issues might be helpful as well.

What you are feeling is very normal. However, he's a little child whose life is upside down. I know sometimes it helps me when a child is raging or being defiant to remind myself that inside that angry person is a sad, scared little kid. Makes it easier to deal with the situation.

When I feel like I want to scream, I sometimes sing. Turn on the radio and dance with the kids.

And, if this is not a finalized adoption, there is nothing saying you have to finalize if you feel like this placement is destroying your family. Sometimes, a placement is a bad match for a family. However, attaching and bonding does take time and if you want to continue, you have to fake those feelings until they are real.

It takes time to get to know someone. Inside that screaming, angry, annoying, sassy child may be hidden a beautiful person who you just need more time to get to know.

Hang in there and keep posting. The special needs board is a wonderful place to post questions about specific behaviors or just to vent about a trying day or a really long tantrum or rage.

Hope things get better.