Okay....I'm back! Long post coming... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
Little did I know when I started this thread that I would:
A. Put my foot so far into my mouth that it'd become part of my pulmonary system!
Again, my apologies to any adoptees I offended. Yikes!!
B. That I would discover myself talking of things I thought I'd long buried and forgotten
C. That it's still so hard and embarrassing when people say nice things to me.
D. That talking about this rips open other people's wounds even though none of us means to do that when we open our mouths.
E. That it's a good thing I'm learning from all of the good folk in here because if I met my children with the limited amount of knowledge I have of all this....that would be a disaster!
Geez! This stuff is something else!! It's like I'm some kind of brambly weed with 20 foot roots and I'm being ripped from the ground and I'm the idiot gardener doing it!
Let's see....I should write back in order of those who posted since my initial post. (Good grief! I sound like an insurance form).
BrockBaby You're 100% correct about the history stuff. How skewed my thinking becomes sometimes.
JustPeachy You're right too. I can't begin to know what it feels like to be an adoptee. You know what I just realized that I think I've been doing? I've been trying to project what that must feel like in order to understand it enough to not make a mistake. THAT'S got to be like the ultimate description of codependecy! Ooo...I hate that disease!!
Dpen6 Thanks for the being enough of a friend to tell it like it is (including stamping feet and pointing finger)
. I take it as a compliment that someone would bother to take the time and post back.
Abuse ingrains so much into people; so many lies we tell ourselves in order to justify the shame of being abused to start with. Honestly, I had no idea that the issues of adoption were wrapped around my childhood so tightly. I think it caught me off guard because I had told myself that one had nothing to do with the other. One more conceit to deal with.
Saya For me personally, I love hearing from adoptive parents. They're just parents like me and parenting is the toughest job out there. I guess I'm just letting you know I welcome what you have to say and I thank you for responding to my thread.
When I first came here, I was very ignorant not only of my own suffering but of others. See...for 31 years I'd bought the line that someone spoke of (I think it was Lovemy2Boys)....the fairy tale. That everyone skips happily along through this stuff like a flower girl down the aisle.
When really we're all Dorothy's traversing the Yellow Brick Road just trying to get home.
I have long empathized with women who are looked down on because they can't bear children. And I don't think that that is something I've imagined. I think that society has looked own. That these women are patted on the head with "oh you poor dears" at best and hateful things that I've actually heard people say like, "well maybe they weren't MEANT to be moms". That kind of callousness and complete indifference to the hurt of others. Like women who suffer miscarraiges and there's always one person in the family who says, "Oh well...it was natures way of taking the baby because there was something wrong with it."
People think they're being nice offering up such platitudes.
Maggie Thanks for sharing. You are always so kind-hearted in your posts.
And to leave everyone with a smile I added icing to the stupidity cake of my day. My little grandson has these butterfly wings that he likes to wear when he runs around the house. They are shiny and huge and I think he thinks he's flying or something when he has them on. (He's 2).
Welp, I forgot to take them off before my SIL came to pick my grandson up. SIL is a wonderful man but a "guys guy" if you know what I mean.
So SIL looks at the grandbaby wearing the wings and then he looks at me and says, "Why is my son wearing butterfly wings?" I could read the words behind my SIL's expression at that moment and it translated roughtly into, "I'd love to put my foot up my mother-in-laws patoot right now!"
Ooo Boy!
So it has not been one my better days. Foot in mouth, foot up buttski. sigh............
I think I shall go back to hiding in the codependency thread where I belong!