[mk317]

I've been reading the posts on PAD and I think I am going through this too. I posted on here about not having control over my child and it's been almost 4 months since he's been with us and it's still hard. I just broke down in tears today because I am so frustrated. I feel like I am being punished for something we were "called" to do. I find myself just wanting my old life back. I can't take the arguing, the talking back, the screaming, the fighting, the noise, anymore. I just want some peace in our house. We have two bio girls and I miss our life of the four of us before we got our son (age 3 1/2). We can hardly go anywhere together as a family now and it's hard. I'm realizing that I hate the person I've become since we got him. He has brought out the ugly side in me. He makes the days so difficult that my patience runs out and I loose it. I am really mean to him some days, because I just want compliance from him. I never lost it like that with my girls and always prided myself on what good kids they were. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time with him. He refuses to listen and fights me on everything. I’m just so tired. I just wanted that “happy” adoption so we could be a testimony to all those who didn’t understand why we were doing this. I know this is what we were supposed to do, but I didn’t expect it to be so hard. I wish someone could just tell me, one more month and things will be fine! I just worry that there may not be a light and the end of the tunnel. What if the issues we are dealing with don’t go away with time??
We are trying to get counseling set up with him. I do love this little boy and know that right now we are his light for the future. I don't want to ruin him. He is a gift to us and I can only pray that someday, I will see it's value. Thanks for listening.