[ddvdave]

Originally Posted by IanSean

We mutually agreed to put her up for adoption.

How does your wife feel about the possibility of trying to make contact? She is, after all, her mother. I would think having that additional bond would make things all the more difficult for you both.

Although our situation is very different given that my birth daughter's Mom is not my wife, I can say that when my wife and I consciously agreed to "Open the door" after my birth daughter (14) through her mom made contact with us, nothing could have prepared us for the emotional roller coaster that followed.

It certainly has been a bumpy ride, but fortunately in our case things are working out well. That's not to say it has been easy, particularly since my wife isn't blood-related to my birth daughter, and doesn't have that bond. She can't directly relate to the bond between my bd and me.

Our oldest daughter (15) knows she has a sister, we haven't told her about the recent info we found yet. Especially how easy she could make contact if she wanted to via facebook or myspace.

We decided to tell our (raised) daughter (12) about her half-sister before we even knew that she wanted to meet her "other family". I'm glad your oldest daughter knows about her sister. Has she expressed any interest in trying to reach out to her? Given human nature, I'm sure she will at some point.

Though tempted to make contact ourselves, I am emotionally conflicted there also. I am of the school of thought that maybe she isn't ready to yet and leave it at that.

Would she know how to contact you if she wanted to? Given that she's 18 already, obviously you can reach out to her without too many legal implications, but she is also now a young adult, and may not be ready for the complications that will surely arise from contacting her birth parents.

I would suggest you make yourself accessible on Facebook or perhaps other web sites. That way if/when she's ready to find you, she will be able to more easily.