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I agree with your husband about leaving the contact in her hands. Our contact with the b-mom really dropped off when she had a baby almost four years after our daughters were born, followed a year later by another. She was (still is) in a different place in her life than she was at the time of placement.
We've just kept on sending updates, pictures and emails - and we really don't take it personally when she doesn't respond. I guess I feel like if we're doing what we've promised, that's all we can do - the rest is up to her.
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