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Originally Posted by JustPeachy
I think it comes down to individual coping ability and a lot of this is how we are wired. There are probably parallels in the way adoptees handle the emotions that come up for them. Some are not bothered very much be being adopted, and others have much difficulty, sometimes lifelong.
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Personally, I disagree that it comes down to an individual's coping mechanisms. I've known birthmothers throughout the years who cope extremely well with adverse circumstances, who are very resilient women, and who have survived horrible childhoods with their sanity intact. Some of these birthmoms felt profound grief and loss over surrendering their babies for adoption.
Interesting point about adoptees. Maybe it's like the Primal Wound theory...some adoptees totally identify with Nancy Verrier's book, while others do not. Maybe birthmoms are like this, too...some have "holes in their heart", and some do not. I've never been able to figure out the differences in grieving. I've been in and out of adoption support groups for over 30 years, and I still haven't figured it out.