[Janeytwo]

Hey All,

I've wanted to post this since last week but thought I'd wait out of respect.

But something struck me last week and I wanted to share.

Over the years I've felt "apart" from people because I chose to relinquish. It felt like I was different somehow - that I went against nature.

I'm coming out of that - thank goodness.

But something else has taken its place as I've been here in this forum.

I watch the young women come in here and a few have expressed the desire to die; to end their lives.

My heart has ached for them.

And as I've watched their grief unfold, something has happened to me.

I've started to wonder if my reaction was against nature. I'm talking about how I tucked my head down and walked on. I hope I'm relaying that right. Was it wrong to not have relinquishment stop me dead in my tracks and end me? What does that say about me that it didn't?

Please understand - these are just my feelings. I'm not looking for backlash which people like me always expect when we let out any of our fears. We wait for the sharks to come in. Sigh....the Trust Road always has a boatload of ice on it and everone waits to slip, ya know?

Anyway...that's how it feels. Not only did I go against nature in my decisions but I went against nature in my survival of those decisions.

Has anyone else ever thought that way? Is it unsual to do so?

Any kind thoughts and sharing would be appreciated. I need guidance here.

(Note: I had something written about sharks in this space here, but I took it out on account of sooner or late I've got to start trusting people. All apologies to the Macos.)