[dlbermes]

Yesterday I found my birth family. I talked to a strange woman that is now my sister. I am 57. Not a young fellow. I found out mom is gone. I thought I would be estatic. I was at first, I didn't sleep last night, I cried, I have not cried since childhood. I know I should have expected the worst but I always dreamed and believed she would be out there. I have never felt any worse than this. I did not expect this level of grief. I spent several minutes chatting with a woman that is now my little sister. I want to rejoice in the fact I have 10 siblings that I never knew of but they are not the one I was looking for. It is over. I failed. My mother never told anyone that I existed. They would never have looked at any of these many message boards and registries I am on. I guess she was ashamed. She kept so many. I was the only one left out. I imagine there was a good reason. But all my life all there has ever been was imagination, never fact. I will never know the truth. I am writing this here because I don't know anyone to whom I could express these feelings I just have to put this down somewhere and since I have checked this page everyday for so long it seemed natural. best to all dave b