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I, too, felt the need to protect my parents after seeing them hurt by my sister's attempts to find her b-parents many years ago.
10 years or so after her "search", My Mom asked me why i had never expressed an interest in finding out about my b-parents? I told her that it was because i had seen how much pain it had caused her when my sister searched.
Mom told me that it wasn't Sis's desire to know or the search itself that caused the pain. It was the was she went about it. Sis began her search out of anger. She wanted to prove that her "real mother" was better than our adoptive parents. She wanted to find out that "she wasn't really Jewsih" She went about it in a very hurtful way, throwing the "you're not my real mother" card up frequently and not communicating with Mom & Dad (or me) as to what she discovered or even what she was feeling - other than the anger.
She did find out that she was in fact "born" Jewish, and may have actually met her B-Mom. She did go to Chicago (where we were both born) during this time and came back very subdued and has refused to discuss whatever she found. It has been 30 years since that time.
Now that i have been "found" and forged a successful relationship with B-mother and her family, Sis is still angry and refuses to be a part of it. She has not even told her won children (ages 12 & 14) that she is adopted.
I did start searching after having this conversation with Mom, and eventually reunited with B-Mother. My parents were extremely supportive during the search and the reunion and have even become friendly with B-Mom.
I guess what i am trying to say by relating my own experiences is this : Don't underestimate your parents. They may very well be willing and able to help you with your search. I know that having their support made it easier for me. I honestly don't know if i would have ever initiated a search if i hadn't had that conversation with Mom.
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