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The more you can talk to your aparents, especially your amom, the better they will feel.
I know it's hard, but your search is not the reason for their pain. Just open your mouth and let the words come out, you'll be glad you did, and so will your mom even if it hurts her a little.
As a parent, I would rather be the one in pain than to see it in my child. I would do anything to help my kids not feel that magnatude of pain, even if it meant I was going to die. I would give my life for them, go to prison, take torture and excrutiating pain if it would spare my children of it.
Alot of us, especially adoptees in reunion have found that often the unknown is way more scary and painful than the known.
Wanting to search and find your origins is a natural healthy thing to do, if done in the right way, with love, patience and hope.
Wanting this is not a bad thing or even an unexpected thing today.
It's a good thing and shows that your mind is natural, healthy and intact.
My advise is to take it one step at a time. It never hurts to search and find info. When you do find the info needed, that is the point that the decision of contacting anyone needs to be made, not now, especially if it is too much for you to handle the whole thought of it.
Good luck
Beth
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