Josie - I am an adoptee from the closed era...I hope you don't mind but reading through the posts only a few seemed to understand and discuss your question
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Originally Posted by JosieWales
We have a 5mo old bio baby, Owen's little brother. Owen (27 mo) came home at 9mo. I am not saying I lie around weeping for the time I didn't get to spend w/him--we live our lives happily as they are! But w/Ian, our baby, I realize just how many wonderful, amazing milestones we missed with sweet Owen.
And, I think that is something I can let Owen know, when he's older and we talk more about his adoption (and how that differs from how his brother joined our family). From what I have read, sharing sadness about the bmom's situation that led to the adoption plan, and about the aparent's inability to have the achild immediately (as in our case), etc., is an important thing and helps the child understand that it's ok to be sad about some things in relation to his/her adoption.
Just wondered if anyone else felt this way, or if you agree/disagree w/the idea of talking about it w/the child (if you have older akids that would be even better--you'll have experience!).
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That is the perfect opening to talk to your child when he is older about grieving over losing his birth family, the need to work through it, recognise it, and that you have empathy for what he will go through.
To have the ability to understand that your sadness over what you have missed, could be the path to ensuring your child has a mom he can turn to without judgement, is probably the greatest gift you can give him.
Kind regards,
Dickons