[Mindybeth6]

This was very, very hard for me. Our son was 4 when we were going t hrough Mikayla's adoption, he was actually 3 when we started it and from the moment Mikayla was born until the moment she came home I was constantly thinking about all the milestones and memories I had with Alec that I would never have with Mikayla. As each month went by it became harder and harder and yes, I still think about it and yes, I still grieve for those times. Like you, we live our life happily and I am so busy I don't have time to sit and think of it all! But I will never forget. And I am forever thankful for the visit trip we took when she was 2.5 months old. We took over 1000 pictures and lots of video that somehow helps fill in the gap from birth to her coming home. It was not quite in the middle but sort of. So I am very thankful for those memories, although they were short-lived. BUt yes, milsetones, holidays (1st Christmas and Thanksgiving) will always be missed. She wasn't here! Her brother was for those times in his life. And I worry a lot about how she will feel when she is old enough to realize that her brother is bio and she is not.