[DeeVee]

Becca, interesting question. Carolina came home at 9 months, and many of her milestones were delayed, so I didn't feel at the time that I had missed much, though there was a "getting to know you" period, to be sure. Jesse came home at 2 years 8 months, and I know I missed a lot. I guess the biggest thing for me is that I don't feel like I "know" him as well as I know my other children; and I wonder when will that "gap" close? He is autistic as well, and I wonder so much if he was always like this, or if he developed normally for a time and then regressed; I haven't been able to get any answers, so I guess I'll never know.

I will probably talk about this with Carolina when she is older. With Jesse, I have no idea as it is still too soon to tell how much he will be able to comprehend.

I wouldn't call it grieving missed time exactly. But with a child who has been with you since he or she was a newborn, you see every little change and without even being aware of what's happening, you get to know his or her personality more each day. With a child that comes to you older (whether it be 9 months, 3 years, whatever) it seems like a you each are trying to "get up to speed" with each other's personalities for a time. Of course they are all my kids and I love them all, but I think there comes a point where you really know your child and they know you -- with Carolina we have long surpassed that point. Yet with Jesse we are really not quite there yet.

I hope I'm making sense.