Congrats Linda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how wonderfully awesome!!!!!!!!!
I will pray every day for you both to have all the hope, compassion and patience your big hearts can hold
Dearest kakuehl,
Thanks for your reply, and I have noticed deep in the threads, the honesty shared between the moms. yay!!
And now that I have not been thrown out, yet! for saying the things in my above post that I feel, have experienced, I tend to believe there is more freedom of speech here than there was years ago. That is so good to see.
I and several of my nice adoptee friends were thrown out for saying similar things and for attacking the baby vultures several years ago. Something I will never apologize for, never. I am thrilled to hear that vultures are no longer allowed here, I hope it is highly enforced, if I see one lurking I will surely rat them out to you, cause they are my enemy and they really make me want to PUKE
But I must admit, when I see a expectant mom being shown the option of adoption, I will be there if I can to share with her the other options available to her as well. I find my self an advocate for those that have no voice yet.
My mother and I both wish we had had someone do this for us. The only option my mom was given was adoption, the only support she was given was to take her baby off her hands to punish her for her sins, convince her that there are more deserving parents than she, and tell her she would get over it soon enough, and I wouldn't know a thing and I wouldn't want to ever know her. That was 1962, I wish things would have changed a lot more since then, but I really do see where things have changed quite a bit in the last few years.
I'm afraid I will probably speak up too, when I see adopted parents attempting or believing in secrecy or complete replacement and elimination of mother. I'm sorry, but I feel like it's my job to be there to help the confused by sharing my insights, for the adoptees sake. So please toss me now if that is not welcome here.
I've spent over two decades, reading, exploring, speaking with hundreds of adoptees, first families and adopted parents online and in person. Researcing all kinds of adoption related issues. All this work and education must be beneficial to someone other than me and my family.
It's hard to help anyone in that way unless you are at a site where the entire triad is welcomed. I can stomach hearing all sides, they all make me feel seasick.
I like it here because it IS positive and warm and fuzzy and understanding...and active. I am typically a very positive and hopeful person, many of the other mom and adoptee sites aren't as warm and fuzzily positive or hopeful. But mainly because most of their experiences haven't been so positive.
For myself, I am never happy if I can't explore all sides of a thing. I've been exposed to the ugly side of adoption, it's a bit hard to ignore, repress, deny or forget, not share, it's real, eye-opening and hardly healthy in my opinion to stay there all the time OR not at all
"I find it very sad that one can not be pro-adoption without being told that they have an agenda."
I understand Michelle, I am stuck somewhere in the middle of pro and anti, there is a LOT of stuff that needs to change for future adoptees.
I think as an adoptee, for me anyway, it seems I have been given the job of being stuck in the middle of lots of stuff, so I am attempting to accept it and learn to like it.
I too find it sad, I am told I have a pro adoption agenda in the anti- forums and in the pro forums, I've been told I have an anti agenda, all because I don't agree with either 100%.
And both sides have suggested I am brainwashed LOL
pro and anti is all political .... therefore both have an agenda, I really don't want any part of either.
So just saying I am pro or anti immediately seems to give one a political agenda.
The only political agenda I have is open birth records to adoptees and their original families,
an agenda of honesty!
or an agenda of being an equal citizen.
It seems if you are for open records many people deem you as anti-adoption with an ungrateful bastard agenda, go figure.
Even the people in the open records fight, fight among themselves over who is pro adoption etc.
At the "rally" or whatever in New Orleans this summer, several of the big groups dropped out of the fight because they said some of the other groups involved were pro-adoption, and they coulnd't support it. And many of the moms groups won't join in the open records fight, because they are not fighting to open records to the first family, only the adoptee.
All of our citizens should have equal access to their vital records.
I hope everyone can get together so that one day the secrets of adoption will be banished in the US, one day soon.
Opening records has nothing to do with if you are anti or pro adoption aarrrggg
Thanks for allowing me to give my answer to the question: "Why are there so few birth parents on this forum?"
I really did try to behave. The languages and insights are so different in the different triad worlds.
Now I see that: "This is a pro-adoption site." would have been a shorter and sweeter answer, especially to those in the know.
Probably a better reply in this pro-type forum than "Many just can't stomach the place and here is why"
((hugs)))
Beth