[kakuehl]

Julie, they are interesting thoughts.

I, personally, do not believe in reincarnation. I do believe in a God who loves us unconditionally and wants us to return that love. I agree with those who said we had free will. Unfortunately, we mostly use that free will to run the other direction. With my birthson, I learned never to say never! I definitely intended to "save myself for marriage." When I got involved with D's bdad, I used to tell myself that's the last time and then I'd meet with him again. (Did you know that the Greek word translated as sin literally means to fall short of the mark? I definitely fell short of the mark I aimed at.) I blame no one else for my actions; God was not punishing me, the "devil" didn't "make me do it." The lessons I learned: God always forgives; it's possible to forgive myself. I chose adoption for D, not because no one would help me, but because I believed it was the best choice. I have always believed that children deserve to be wanted. I have always loved D, but I knew I would resent him for things that weren't his fault. (My mother used to say to me, "I loved you, but I didn't want you." I never wanted to do that to D.) I made what I believed to be the best choice at the time; there is forgiveness for that choice as well. Are there things I would change about my life and choices? Of course. And yet, I wouldn't change any of my children or wish them out of existence.

I have been blessed to become a part of my birthson's life; to get to know his parents; to watch his children grow. Sometimes it is bittersweet, but still a blessing.

I have learned to judge others less, to try to share the unconditional love that I have received with others. Every week in my children's sermons, I will ask the children, WHY? The answer is always, because God loves us. My children, God loves each of you... no matter what and always!