[1withopenarms]

While waited for our transfer from a private agency to DSS I decided that I would e-mail the former CW about the two children my cousin had fostered and we fought hard to get (once she decided to stop) but unfortunatly lost to a family whom had just finished a MAPPs training where as we where still waiting to start ours. Anyway the letter I recieved was so thoughtful and unexspected (from a DSS CW) that I felt the need to share with everyone. I hope she won't mind but it's nice to hear these things from CWs once in a while. All names have been changed to protect everyone involved.

Miss "D",
Thank you for your continued interest in "J" and "X"! You and I have something in common, we both adore them and yet have no ability to learn of how they are doing unless the adoptive parents contact us about them. It is true that they have been freed for adoption and they remain with the same family. I have no clearance that allows me to look up whom the new caseworker is now that the case has been transfered to the Adoption unit. It would be confidential information that is kept from the biological parents and others that were previously involved in the case. I suspect that it why Miss supervisor did not disclose more information to you.
With "J" and "X" specifically, we know they do not forget those people they have met and they appear to recognize who cares deeply for them. I am certain they would probably like to see you again, but again with them in mind specifically, they regress to unsafe behaviors each time they see someone only inconsistently. EX their biological mother, their biological father, etc. It is not an easy thing to do to let go of them. I cannot ask you to do that. I can only try to understand and help you talk about how it feels to have had to say goodbye and not know if your family will ever see them again. I don't want to give you false hope that your family will see them in person, on accident or otherwise, in your residential area.
You may have to look upon your experiences with "J" and "X" as an inspiration that reminds you of why you became foster parents. Especially on the days when you have foster children in your home that challenge you so much that your head is in your hands and your voice quietly asks yourself, "why did I get myself into this?"
Maybe the laws will one day change and allow the adopted children to learn who was involved and we can meet them as older children or as full grown adults. I write the court reports and the case file notes with
that(unrealistic?) goal in mind. Hoping one day adopted children will learn they were not thrown away, or rejected, but loved by a great many people who tried to help them and their parent(s). As a foster parent myself and as a caseworker I can only hope it will be allowed one day. Until or unless adopted children can see their DSS files, I will keep the children in my heart and hope the family we chose for them continue to choose a safe, happy and healthy life with the children in return.
In case DSS caseworkers do not have the time to tell you this, thanks for becoming a foster parent. We will ask you to take in a child(ren) into your home and care for them like you would your own. We will ask you to foster a relationship between the parent(s) and the child(ren) no matter what your personal opinions are about their relationship and we will ask you to be patient with the courts. We can never ask you to stop caring or stop being curious about them. If I knew how to do that, I might not tell you anyway.
*sorry so long