Hey Raven,
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In no way did I blame myself for the abuse that occurred, but I did consider that perhaps I went thru it for some type of human advancement, if you follow my drift.
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Hmmm...thinking here. I haven't ever thought about anything that happened to me in those terms. It's simply part of my history. Excepting that the alcoholism another suffered was the path by which I found my way back. I would not say though that I wished that disease upon them. Quite the opposite.
But as to viewing my experieinces as having a higher purpose? I dunno. (No judgement meant to Raven).
I think that my legacy is so much different than many in here that I don't have the tools to see it that way. The War shaped how my mother especially would view the world and so it shaped me I suppose. It's shadow is long.
You know on the higher purpose question.....I asked my mom this very same thing once (almost verbatim) when I was a young teen because I was curious as to whether she believed there was a devine purpose behind War which is the ultimate form of child abuse; bar none.
She just laughed and said that the War didn't happen to shape anyone's destiny. And she highly doubted that if there was a God, that He had anything to do with it. She believed (and still does as far as I know) that it happened because all people are capable of being murdering, power hungry scum; just that some of us have the humility to realize that about ourselves - and some of us don't. And the ones that don't realize it sometimes attain their goals at the expense of everyone else.
"There will always be huns at the gate, Janey". That's what she said. I'll never forget it.
I can think of no group of people who understand what we're capable of like children who've survived such tyranny. I shall have to ask Lovemy2Boys to join us on this thread. She's got a lot to contribute on this subject.
Anyway, mom said that the War was a defining factor in her life, but that she could not allow it to be
THE defining factor. Otherwise, Hitler would've won.
It took me some years to understand what she meant. Relinquishment, abuse, the street, all of it.....it is what happened to me. I don't know that there's a higher purpose in any of that. It simply was. The only question left is where do I go from here?
Because while some can argue (and rightly) that they had no choice, NOW I do have a choice.
Will my experiences define who I am or will they enhance who I am?
That's up to me I guess.
