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Originally Posted by heart_string
I've been lurking here and finally joined not too long ago.
I am pregnant now due Feb 4 and have chosen my baby's family just recently. Reading some of these forums has been a scary event for me. Some of the comments that I read in threads in other parts of the forum are definitely hurtful & it just seems that people are more concerned with supporting what the adoptive parents may be 'feeling' without really giving a thought that birth or expectant moms may be reading those words same.
I will tell you that I've even gone so far after reading some posts, that I compare whatever they have in their profile to that of the parenting profiles that I had. There's no way that I would want to deal with some posters in an adoptive situation.
I feel that birth parents have to do a lot of 'defending' in certain areas of the forum:
They have to defend the reason they chose adoption over parenting
They have to defend their emotions over their choice
If they've needed assistance during the pregnancy, they have to defend why they need assistance
(ad nauseum)
I've learned a lot from reading this board too - but there are so many times that I want to interject and say "You know, I wonder how many pregnant women who are choosing adoption wish they knew who you were so they could RUN in the other direction if they come across your profile".
I try to believe that most prospective adoptive parents have more respect for the natural mother of adopted children than a lot of what I've read here - it's the one belief that secures what I inherently feel is the best choice for ME & my child.
All those things said, this board has been extremely beneficial to me in making my adoption plan. It's enlightened me to issues that may come up between natural mothers and adoptive parents (naming, breast feeding, how 'open' the adoption will be). I feel that I am more able to make informed decisions after reading many of the threads.
Even with having to deal with irritation over some crazy comments someone has made, this board is an invaluable resource & overall a community where I hope I can learn, share, and support others who are going through similar situations.  |
Good luck, be sure to have someone to talk to.
Be sure that you are comfortable with the adopting parents and they are comfortable with you.
Remember that though open adoption is legal in many states it is unenforceable. You can't make someone have an open adobtion after the adoption is final unless they are willing.
That said, there are many wonderful people with open adoptions with more then one birth mother and they make it work. Just as there are new adoptive parent who cannot do it after they live with it.
Keep all lines of communitcations open, make sure you and they have more then one way of contact.
Get help early if things seem to be going wrong, or even it they are going right or if you feel overwhelmed.
I wish you the best, I can't say I am not sorry you can't keep your child, I wish you could, but I do understand.