[belleinblue1978]

Raven,

I don't believe in pre-destiny. I don't believe that my birth was meant to cause the trauma that it did to M and I don't believe that Kiddo's birth was meant to cause the trauma that it did to me. We weren't "meant" to be with the families we were, we weren't grown in another woman's body, only to be handed off. Sorry, can't live with that I idea. I can't live with the idea that I was born only cause my first mom so much pain that she can't even write me a letter, admit that I was born, and has destroyed relationship after relationship since my birth. I can't be responsible for that and if my being born was that life path for her, then..... nope, I won't be responsible and my son isn't responsible for where I am.

I have learned and changed since kiddo was born, but adoption has changed me profoundly since I was born, so what is being a first mom and what is being adopted?

I've learned that I am so strong that I can overcome anything.

I've learned that I can cope with rejection and live through it.

I've learned that it is ok to be angry and that I don't have to love everyone. I may have to deal with them, but that is all I have to.

I've learned how to stand up for myself and my heart. I can say enough is enough now.

I've learned how to say "you won't talk about me like that."

I am the sum total of my experiences though and adoption isn't my only experience, although it is a pretty large part of my life, even larger than most of yours I'm betting.

I don't think first mom's are being taught a life lesson though. I don't think we're the ones that need it a lot of times because, most of us, at least the women I know here, hold ourselves to some pretty high standards anyway, and obviously always have.