Hey Raven!! Hey All!
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My question to all birth/first mothers, do you think it's possible that we "choose" to go on this particular journey before we are even born? If so, what have you learned so far?
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Raven - thanks for this great thread!! I am hoping that our resident minister and our resident therapist will jump in to give us their esteemed responses to this. That would be cool!!
Did I choose this path before I came here? Hmmm....I don't know much about religion. My understanding of God only comes through Program and Program loosely teaches that God sends us wherever we need to go in order to come back to Him.
I'm not sure that answers the question, but it's the only response I felt was right for me.
And yes, I am learning. Learning that I would've been far better off if I'd turned and stared down my grief, then to have bricked it up for so many years.
I am learning that there is consequence - real and painful consequence - to action. But that is true for everyone and everything.
I am learning that I'm tired of being judged by those who haven't walked in my shoes. If the self-righteous want a justification for the relinquishment of my children? Fine. They'd just better make dang sure they have an explanation waiting in the wings as regards their own BS. Because I'm going to be demanding one. And there's no one out there without some skeleton moldering in the closet.
Elvis left the building eons ago, you know?
One other thing. For some months now there has been a song I have listened to that I feel most represents adoption (my opinion only of course). I am certain that the song was never meant for my purpose, but just the same I thought I would like to share it with you and anyone else who would care to listen. It's my way of saying thanks for being here. I sure have needed everyone.
I've typed the lyrics below - left out one stanza (just in case anyone blogs the song and notices that.)
Anyhoo, I think the lyrics pseak for themselves. Especially the refrain which often reminds me of the adoptees in here whose bparents have run from them and left them hurting. The bolded section I thought really says what I feel as a birthmother and also what I feel it must be like for adoptive parents who seem to live under constant scrutiny from all the high-and-mighty jerks out there.
Society makes me sick.
Anyway, if you have the time go to Rhapsody.com and type in the band The English Beat. The song is called "Save it for Later". The song should be free. Rhapsody allowed I believe for 21 free downloads a month.
Anyhooo....kick out the jam sisters and brothers!!
:-) Enjoy!!!
Lots of love and hugs to all!
SAVE IT FOR LATER:
Two dozen other dirty lovers
Must be a sucker for it
Cry, Cry, but I don't need my mother
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it
Sooner or later your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later you hit the deck, you get found out
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
You let me down
Two dozen other stupid reasons
Why we should suffer for this
Don't bother trying to explain them
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it
Sooner or later your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later you hit the deck, you get found out
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
You let me down