[ocracoke]

This is completely not adoption related -- I mean my daughter is adopted but none of the issues have anything to do with her being adopted. I had a terrible Christmas (aside from the pneumonia and broken toe) and I find myself still very angry about it and need some advise.

I had planned on having Christmas with my mom up at my grandma's house in the mountains. But at the last minute my aunt and her family said they couldn't make it and everything was switched to my aunt's house. Her house is huge and can more easily accommodate us all but being in suburbia NJ isn't the same as the Adirondack mountains. I was upset that they didn't even discuss it with me -- they just made the decision then called my mom and asked her to tell me. My sister, my niece, my mom, my daughter, and I all arrived on the 23rd. My niece is just under 2 years old and my daughter just turned 4 year old. The kids started playing in the kitchen as we brought things in from the car. My aunt asked us to move the kids to the living room and she didn't want the kids playing around the antique kitchen table. I moved the kids to the living room but my grandmother didn't want the kids playing in there because the dogs were in there and couldn't be trusted around the kids. So I had to move them to the bonus room. I didn't really want to do this as it is above the garage and I didn't want the kids going up and down the stairs all the time. Plus all 5 of us were staying in the bonus room and there just wasn't a lot of room for playing with all our stuff.

Okay some of the highlights that p***ed me off.

1. On Christmas eve we were getting ready for dinner when I saw my aunt pull my mom aside. My mom then came and talked to my sister and I. My aunt stated that my sister, my niece, my daughter and I would be eating dinner in the kitchen while everyone else ate in the dining room because they needed some "adult time." My grandmother and aunt had been our shopping all day, my uncle had been cooking, working out, and playing guitar all day, my female cousin had slept all day (in college) and my male cousin had worked all day. And she tells my mother? I am 40 -- treat me like an adult! I flipped and cried but in private then I went to dinner. I wanted to leave but Christmas was about my daughter -- not me. At dinner my aunt was setting the table and my mom put her place at the kitchen table and my aunt reminded her that there was room in the dining room for her (there was room for all of us in the dining room!). And my mom just said -- I am eating dinner with MY family -- and sat in the kitchen with us.

2. I asked about decorating cookies with the kids. My aunt said they (the kids) would make too much of a mess. She had made cookies but decided that after the kids went to bed she would whip up some icing and people could decorate their own cookies.

3. I wrote a letter to Santa with my daughter before putting her to bed and left it with some cookies, milk, and a carrot (for the reindeer). I put my daughter to bed then came down to get everything ready for the big event. I was pretty sick by this time and I just wanted to get things done. I went to write a letter from Santa to my daughter and discovered that they had already done it on the back of the letter she had written. I just went to bed.

4. On Christmas morning we managed to keep the kids upstairs until 7:30. We kept them in the kitchen opening stockings while we tried to get the rest of the crew up. It took them about 45 minutes to join us. Then they wanted to have coffee and rolls before opening presents. I vetoed this and took the kids into the living room. Our family opens one present at a time so it takes a long time. After about 20-30 minutes of opening presents my grandmother insisted that we go have rolls and coffee because the "rolls aren't good cold."

5. While opening presents later my daughter was getting excited and I really needed to redirect her and get her focused again. But every time I called her to come over to me at least 2 or 3 people also called her. She would get confused and I would have to pick her up and take her out of the room. She saw this as a punishment which was not my intent but I needed her to be listening to ME. I would comfort her and restate the rules then take her back in. This happened several times before I put her in the corner of the living room with a coloring book and crayons and asked her to stay there.

6. For Christmas dinner we were again told we would be in the kitchen -- which I had assumed. As we were starting to sit down my aunt approached my mom (this time in front of us) and told her that she would sit in the kitchen with us today and my mom could go enjoy the adult table. It really felt like my aunt was "taking one for the team" by the way she said it. Again my mom said to my aunt that she was welcome to join us in the kitchen but she was eating dinner with her family.

I left the morning of the 26th. I never confronted anybody. But I am still angry about it. I told my mom that I have no intentions of traveling for holidays again. Am I being unreasonable? On the 26th I headed up to my dad's house and my daughter got a second Christmas that was all about her, got to paint, got to decorate Christmas cookies, got to eat with the entire family, and got to act like a kid -- by this time I was diagnosed with pneumonia and not much help with her care -- luckily my dad and step mom were willing to see to her needs most of the time.

Just needing to vent,
Samantha