This is what makes the "system" so bad. And gives us "fp's" such a bad rap. We live with "our" children 24/7. I'll bet this panel of people have never had a foster child. Most case workers have never had one in thier home - and WON'T either. I think that prior to being hired - every one of them should have to have a placement and work within the system for 6 months. At the minimum.
I am a firm believer that the placing personnel need to tell the TRUTH, the WHOLE TRUTH, about the children that they are asking us to take into our homes. I had a placement worker complain to my licenseing worker because I told the truth about why I wouldn't take certain sib group for respite. I saw them at the FPA meetings, I saw them at various places in the public - and if they act that way in public - I don't want them in my home. I told my respite workers, cw's, fk's therapists, and bios of troubling behaviors. I was looking for a reason, issue, or anything that might help me understand why this was happening. I also did not want my own respite people to aviod me for "non-disclosure" or not be aware of certain behaviors. She said my negative remarks re: different behaviors made it hard to place children with people that I've talked to - and that "just because there was a certain behavior in 1 home didn't mean it would be the same in a different environment". Well, let me tell you, I'm for all of that - but when you don't tell me that 3 sibs are ALL developmently disabled and that the 6 yr old is still in diapers.... and the 8 year old still has frequent accidents... no - don't go there!!!
I feel that the negative behaviors are what disrupts... not the positive ones.... and yes there are lots and lots of disruptions because the placing people do not tell the truth! Sometimes we know (in our hearts) there is something they are not telling us - and we go ahead and try - even tho' the child(ren) are not in our preferred age bracked or there are more than we felt we wanted. This too should go back on the "system".
Stand your ground and take only what you feel that you want. Some people say that preserving birth order is important - and (so very sad to say) sometimes an "older" child that has been in a really disfunctional home for a long time - will have more 'issues' than a younger one. Just something to think about.
Don't feel bad about disrupting - it gets my dander up when these unfortunate kids are placed without the fp's having enough knowledge about thier behaviors to be able to live with them in their homes. Most ESPECIALLY when other young children are involved!!
Stay in contact with your placing personnel, make sure they know htat you haven't "given up", but make sure you do your homework before accepting another one..... ask all the questions you can think of.... I'll bet you have a longer list now that the one you had at the beginning LOL
And good luck.....