Dear Birthmom12_10_2008, you just gave birth a few weeks ago, so please know that it will take a bit more time for you to not hurt as badly as you are now. For me, the first year was really the hardest, with hormones all readjusting and on top of that dealing with the real grief of being away from my son. Like you, I felt it was best to place my son, and I also had pictures and letters, usually once a year (sometimes every other--In my day, we didn't have any sort of agreement, and I didn't even get to select my son's family, but I was fortunate in that my son's parents were amenable to sending me updates all throughout his life), and that helped a lot. It would be good if you could get updates every 6 months! And I am sorry you cannot access the facebook account. That must have been hard for you, and I wish you could still have that. Perhaps the aparents will reconsider at some point, especially since you know them as friends.
I think you are doing all the right things. Coming here for support, turning to friends, getting counseling, journaling, etc. Now is the time to take really good care of yourself and don't be afraid to cry or grieve
because that is all part of the healing process.
And congratulations on your beautiful baby! Although there is much sadness and pain in relinquishing a child, I was so happy to carry my son and give birth to him and know he was alive and well and thriving. I also got to see him and feed him in the hospital. It's hard not to be acknowledged like any other new mom and I hope you, too, can feel some joy in giving birth to your son, even in the midst of sadness. Remember, even though you are not parenting your child, you are still a mom to him, and no one can take away the love and bond you will always feel in your heart for him as his first mom!
