[Birthmom12_10_2008]

I just gave my son up Dec. 10, 2008. Even knowing he is way better off, it still hurts. And still makes me want him back. I'm so thankful for the time I got to spend with him in the hospital and that I have great parents picked out who are not going to shut me completely out of his life. I'll get yearly updates and photos, and I've actually just thought about changing to 6 month updates and photos. I thought I'd be ok with yearly, but I also thought that the parents, who were friends of mine would continue to be my friend on facebook and that I'd be able to see pictures of him whenever I wanted. But they informed me the other night that we should not communicate outside of the yearly update and photo. That was hard to hear, and upset me a lot, but maybe it is better that way. Anyways...

People have kept telling me that with time it doesn't hurt as bad, but it's been the other way around. This past month has been so hard and things have gotten so bad for me. I hardly eat, I'm never hungry & I'm not sleeping well, and starting last night my sorrow entered my dreams. It was so real, the emotions I felt in my dream were those that I feel when I'm awake.

I'm going to therapy, I'm taking anti-depressants and praying and relying on friends to help me get through this. Thank you for listening. I'm so glad I found an outlet.