[fredalina]

Hmmmm... i would never look down on someone who decided they wanted to help foster kids but did a real introspection and realized that they truly aren't strong enough or aren't otherwise cut out to be a foster parent. Especially if that person, as part of the introspection, considers other ways they can help (adoption, advocacy, volunteering, etc). i'm not "better" than someone else because i am going the foster route.

BUT i do have a problem with the "i could never do that; i'd get too attached" response from 99% of the people who say it because it's so off-handed. IMO most of them are saying it as a pat response and a little bit of a pat on the back to themselves or as a simple excuse or justification for not bothering. It's their way of putting blindfolds on themselves and holding their heads up high anyway. We all know there's a serious problem with the foster care system, we all know that kids need safe places to stay while their parents get their lives cleaned up, we all know there are still some foster parents in it for money or who are abusers. It's simply not enough to say, "Well i'm such a great person i'd get attached so i don't have to bother myself thinking about kids in need."

i do dog rescue and i've gotten that response for years. It's just dogs, not children, so it's totally different, but it's usually said with the same attitude. Not, "wow, you're a great person for spending your time and money rehabbing dogs who've been thrown away so others can enjoy them. i don't think i could stand to bond with a dog and then give them away, but what can i do? Can i donate money or supplies? Watch them for a weekend while you go out of town? Something like that?" But, "i couldn't do it, i'd get attached" and turn their backs and walk away. Not that i expect an award or anything, i certainly don't do it for recognition from human beings, but the pat answer to prop themselves up while at the same time taking a backhanded stab at me, intentional or not, does get old.