[kxl164]

The problem with him is that once the screaming starts, once he gets to that point.... incentives or consequences don't really make a difference. His screaming is a direct result of being abused when he cried out for help as an infant, so his fear is real (to him) and I have to calm the fear and try to look 5 steps back to see what triggered the response. I can do that when I'm calm, but I am having a very hard time doing that in the moment right now.

Like I said he has gotten much better, it is just in the moment where I am not handling it anymore and I don't want my reactions to escalate his.

I don't know how I handled it before or what has happened in my own mind, other than he is getting older and had been getting progressively better but he seems to be stagnent for a while in progressing on the screaming front.

When he is screaming because of stubborness issues, that can be handled by time alone for him until he can act appropriately, but that scream is different than the "I am in fear for my life scream." The stubborness scream doesn't bother me, the frustrated scream doesn't bother me, the anger scream doesn't bother me, the high pitched "I'm in fear for my life scream" though, that bothers me. All of his screams used to be the fear scream, but again he has come a long way and it doesn't happen very often after being safe in our home for so long, and after all of the attachment work. But he still screams (out of fear for little reasons) for reasons real to him and no one else and when it compromises the safety of me, him, and my other children.... it is just so hard to handle right now.

I would try to water bottle "cool off" idea, but since he was almost drowned once.... I don't think that would work for him, just make it worse and even more threatening.

Maybe I really need more help to not let him get to that point, or maybe I need a refill of compassion for what he has been through... I don't know, I just know that I need to stop getting so incredibly angered when he screams out of fear for his life (again which is real to him) for no real reason. If he was screaming out of fear because he was stuck at the top of the jungle gym I would go running to him, but if he is screaming from fear because his glove fell off while I am driving, not frustration, not anger, but from FEAR, that makes me angry because although it triggers a real fear response I'm not handling it well anymore.

I can't teach him to be calm if I am not calm myself and I am starting to not to care that he IS really scared because I'm so tired of it. And that upsets me more that the screaming does, which is really hard to top.