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try this book
My friend has 2 boys that have tantrums like you describe and she went to a counselor about it. She was told to read and follow the book 1-2-3-magic. I am not sure who wrote it but I borrowed it after her and it is awesome. I thank God my DD isn't a tantrum thrower but has her moments where the 1-2-3 thing works great. I hope this helps.
Melissa
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Melissa-wife to Dan 
mom to Dakota-18 by birth  ,
Olivia-5 by traditional surrogacy 
2 girls by marriage-16&14 
Sarah born 3/6/09 and home in our arms by open adoption 3/9/09. 
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