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Here's what I do...
In public, I just let him have his fit and go about my business. Usually that means that everyone stares at me in the grocery store as he hollers his head off but I know he's doing it because he doesn't get his way. It's the same in the mall... if he can't get control, I carry him out or he has to get into the umbrella stroller I take along all the time. He rarely rides anymore but it is handy not only to carry coats etc but if he needs to be disciplined he knows he gets in there.
As for at home, the first thing I do is get on his level and look in his face and ask him to calm himself, use words (this works better now that he has words!!!) to tell me what he is upset about. if he can't get control, he gets to go to his room to chill out. Both kids do this... they need separation in order to get themselves together. With a tantrum, DS knows when he is calm he is welcome to join the family again. DD usually by this point at nearly five will put herself in her chill out chair before she gets really upset so I believe it works. I just say to DS "I know you're upset but you don't get what you want when you act this way and Momma needs you to act this way somewhere else". Then I put him in his room. I never give in and he doesn't get anything he wants until he can calm down and use words to ask in the right way.
It's definitely a process because it gets really challenging when you're in a restaurant and your food just arrived and he is upset and well, one parent has to go sit in the car so that the other child doesn't get punished (and the rest of the restaurant doesn't have to endure it either).
The most important thing I have learned is to remain calm to not let him know I'm upset. I can't tell you how hard that is when it is the 25th tantrum a day. By 5:00 I'm usually done and praying Hubby would get home ASAP to take over. But it always goes better when I stay calm and don't let them sense my tension. For me, that's a huge part of it.
Whatever you do, be consistent. And know you're not alone!
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Tammy
Momma to Two Great Kids!!!!
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