My daughter, Kitty, knows nothing of the impending visit, but I knew she would find out eventually. I would rather that she learn about it beforehand, and do plan to tell her in a therapy session on Tuesday.
The plan is to tell her that brother is seeing biomom because he's older and in a better place emotionally, and to point out that Kitty is not in a good place at this time, after all she just got out of the mental hospital. The problem is that even in the middle of a screaming fit, restrained, with the cops looking on ready to take her to the hospital, Kitty is in full denial that she's even upset.
She has never understood why she can't go back to biomom. Because of her black and white thinking she remembers only good things about her past with biomom. She glosses over the bad stuff. She will not agree that she is not ready. She just doesn't see things the way others do. Logical arguments do not work.
Early on in therapy we spent a lot of time helping Kitty understand that it was not her fault that she was put in fostercare. We didn't want to make the mistake of blaming or saying negative things about biomom either. We have been told that biomom will not accept responsibility either and has always blamed everything on the kids - that's why we were told not to allow visits. (Biomom has also told everyone she was forced by the state to TPR - which is the opposite of the truth)
All biomom would have to do is walk in and tell Kitty she loves her but couldn't get her the help she needed, and that's why she gave her up. Biomom looks like the victim. I'm the evil woman who is keeping Kitty from her "real" mommy and sisters. In the state Kitty is in now, she doesn't even have to see biomom. Just knowing that biomom wanted to see her is probably enough!
Why didn't I just say NO?!
