[mommy3]

Much like you, I initially wanted a semi-open adoption and then, thanks to our agency and lots of reading, was willing (to consider) to move toward openness if it felt right. Interestingly, despite what we imagined, both children's birthparents were amazed that our relationships grew because THEY never imagined that they'd be able to do more than meet us and have what is known as a semi-open adoption. However, our relationships have grown on their own and now are fully open, although they now live 5 hours from us (one family) and across the country (the other family). We actually wished we could see the farther family much more often, but that's just an aside.

My point is that we really didn't know what we'd want until we met two wonderful families and the worries about "who they would be" fell away 100%. That isn't always true, I realize, but CAN be the case.

About "running into one another", my oldest dd is my bio dd but her dad and I are no longer together, never married, etc. We've NEVER run into him casually and the same goes for many people I know well locally -- and we live in a group of small towns, each only 10-15 min. away from one another. I agree with the pp that most birthparents wouldn't rush up to you and jump into your life, just like you wouldn't do if you saw them from afar. I'm not being judgmental, I just mean that when we really stop and think about how we act in that situation, most of us draw back.

Most of all I want to support you moving forward and considerig this situation and seeing, just seeing if it could work. You might be amazingly surprised to find that it can, in fact, work and that you have a lot or much in common with this special woman. If you CAN "consider" the situation further, maybe it's really worth the possibility. Please know that I'm not judging you or your choices, but just sharing my ideas, having been right where you are in many ways. Best of luck, susan