[lucyjoy]

Bottom line is he's 25. He has to want something different before things will be different.

What you have discribed does not sound like attachment disorder to me. It sounds like fetal alcohol, and possibly bi-polar disorder. People with bi-polar often do not take their medications.

My fetal alcohol child forgets to do things without lists ad reminders. I taught HIM to make lists. I had him make schedules specific to showering and doing his laundry-what days, times. He needed that to function. He also had great fear of having no one to take care of him. (His story hasn't ended well so far so I'm afraid I don't have much hope to help you there)

I doubt that you will like my advice, but I'd put him out sink or swim. I'd give him 60 days notice to make a plan.

If you don't want to go that route, find him a CHEAP studio apartment, pay the first 6 months rent, give him a months worth of food and toiletries and let him learn to be on his own. Invite him to dinner a night or two a week and you'll know that he's eating that way.

There are a LOT of kids, adopted and not adopted, between the ages of 17 and 30 wondering around doing nothing. No ambition, no plans, just all about fun. Until someone forces them to take care of themselves, they don't see a need to.

You might wish to repost this to the special needs board as more people respond there.