[JustPeachy]

I don't know why your daughter's birthmom did not want to talk or hasn't yet responded. Maybe she felt put on the spot as she was just walking through the door and was not expecting this call. Maybe after 10 years, she has set up her life a certain way and has gotten used to it, and now this is shaking things up for her. It is possible she has not told her husband about having a child she placed for adoption. She could have a lot of painful emotions which caused her to shut down over the years and cannot now just open up on a timetable that is not her own.

I'm wondering how she was before the adoption closed and why it closed? Was any contact or reconciliation attempted? Did she just cut it all off with no explanation? Were other attempts made to see what was going on with her at the time?? Also, was your adoption handled through an agency? Perhaps full-on open will be too much for her right now, but she would consider a semi-open. Can you write a letter explaining to her that you've always loved and cared about her, and your daughter is struggling right now and would really benefit from some form of contact? You can include some updated photos as well and request an updated medical history. If nothing else, at least this will be in her file and she can access it later if she is not willing to now.

I'm sorry your daughter's birthmom has not been able to keep up her open arrangement with you and your daughter. Open adoption was not an option for me at the time, and truth be told, I don't know that I would have been emotionally mature enough to handle one, but in retrospect, I think it would have been something really beneficial for both me and my son and ideally would have loved for the option to be there and to have his parents be as open and committed to this type of arrangment as you are. I think if it was available, they would be this way (we had semi-open), but times were so different back then and we just didn't have the openness that is possible today. It really is a wonderful thing, and a blessing, and I hope your daughter's birthmom will at some point be able to resume the contact with you.