[LoveMyKids94]

I am one of those adoptive moms who believes that the entire triad needs to feel empowered and be satisfied. I just had a devestating experience after finding my twelve year old daughter's birthmom, a wonderful young lady a met 12 1/2 years ago, before she decided to bless us with the most wonderful child in the world. I think of her every day. I see her in my daughter's big brown eyes and I think of her all the time. To save time, I'll say that we started with an open adoption, but we lost touch. One day I called her and her number was no longer in service. Ok, here I go.

I promised my precious daughter that she would know her birthmother and not feel incomplete, as most adoptees feel. She saw her until she was two, which was when hub and I could no longer find her, but we thought it was because he life was in turmoil then. She does not live far away.

When my daughter turned 12, she started becoming sad about her birthmother and wanting to know her and see her. I promised her she would. It never crossed my mind that our lack of contact was anything other than accidental because B. had always acted as if she wanted an open adoption. The short version: I found her. My sister called for me and got her husband. She was just walking in the door. Hub didn't recognize my name, and told her that P's sister is on the phone. He had no idea it was adoption related. After that, he quickly told my sister that he had her number and that B. would call back if she wanted to. We didn't hear from her last night. Will it take her more time? What do you think is happening? Any thoughts? My daughter will search one day, but I hate that this torments her NOW. I'm not going to tell her, she will go into a tailspin.

Can you kind ladies please shed some light on what may be going through her mind? I noticed that she was hard to find--nothing on the internet, unlisted number. Her family didn't want her to keep N. because she is part African-American, but SHE was NOTHING like that. She has at least one other child that I met (a real cutie). He was two at the time, but he must remember. My older son remembers him.

N. is going to search anyway when she is old enough, and I'll be right at her side. But I'm so sad for her right now. She wrote her a "Dear Birthmother" letter where she says she needs to feel complete. She didn't want me to send it and I don't want to force the issue now, since her b-mom may not be interested in seeing her.

Good ladies, please shed some light. I am so puzzled.
Thank you all in advance.