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Hang in there! I know it's tough, but sometimes you just kind of have to go with the flow. If you've found a name, then I'm sure you'll find your birth father, when the time is right. Meanwhile, if you have friends to talk to about this - people you trust and who will be supportive - then you'll probably find yourself stronger and better prepared when you finally open that door to your past.
I hear you on the "lies" issue. That's one of the things that destroyed my mom's relationship with her adoptive parents. I hope your relationship with your adoptive family recovers, if you want it to, if it's worth saving.
-raduga
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