[lucyjoy]

I had a psychiatrist tell me to put a lock on a kids door because he didn't think the alarm was enough to keep us safe-so a picture of a lock does not mean the child was locked in. We also flipped the doorknobs around to prevent kids from locking us out of rooms(I had kids who hurt themselves when angry) so even though we didn't use locks, there could have been pictures. And according to one of my kids, I was always starving him(he ate all the time and was NOT deprived food ever). I never believe that stuff when a child has a long history of lying.

You can't ask a child to change in order to be adopted. They can't, and it's not fair. If you don't want to adopt, don't. I do think asking a child what they think their lives will look like when adopted is fair(and therapists should be asking this). I think pointing out that a child seems unhappy with the visiting situation is fine for a teenager. But since you have been entertaining her, she also has not gotten a picture of real life. Perhaps visits should extend and be changed to reflect everyday life as it will be with you.

Good luck with your decision.