[sak9645]

Forget the whole topic. Tell your child that she can use diapers, pullups, or underwear; it's her choice. When your child is ready, she will tell you, and she probably will be close to accident free. Make it clear that she can make one decision for the daytime and one for the night, since most kids train by day much faster than they do by night.

It always amazes me how parents think that their kids are potty trained, when they have several accidents a day. Those kids aren't trained, though their parents may be trained to look for signs and rush them to the potty.

If you have read potty books with your child, maybe seen a video like "Once Upon a Potty", tried underwear, etc., your child knows all about what needs to be done. She's either not physically ready or not emotionally ready. When she is, she will let you know.

One thing that often helps is putting your child in a day care or preschool setting that is structured to foster independence. I'm talking about a school where the teachers say, "OK, time to get dressed for water play, and the kids are expected to do so by themselves, or at least to "use their words" to ask for help with something specific, like figuring out the back from the front of their shirts. A lot of kids simply are so used to parents doing things for them that they don't have an incentive to do things like bathrooming and dressing.

A mixed age group is great for toilet training, as the littler or less ready kids will observe the older and more ready ones, especially if there's a unisex bathroom with toilets, potties, changing tables, and urinals, and no one makes a big fuss over whichever the child prefers. It's also good for the child who may be a little older or younger developmentally than his/her chronological age would indicate.

Pushing a child to use the potty sets you up for "potty wars". Toddlers and preschoolers LOVE to be oppositional. It also sets the child up for a sense of failure, if he/she thinks that he "should" be able to use it when, in fact, he/she is not quite there yet.

Sharon