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I remember the first couple of months after I gave my daughter up 18 years ago... I felt like noone in the world understood how I felt, I cried and cried. Nothing could get me out of that place *sigh* I remember that pain, and I am so sorry for you that you are in that place now. Lots of people around me said that I did the right thing - that it was unselfish and what was best for her, I cant tell you how sick I was of hearing that! Of course it was for the best, thats why I did it to begin with, right? But I'm talking about the PAIN, the daily hurt that was surrounding me every single day....
thats the bad news...
on a lighter note, it DOES get better. It will never totally go away, and you will think of him often, but the incredible pain does eventually fade away. You learn to understand yourself and your choices - why you made them and that its ok to go on with your life. I will think of you, sometimes the stories I read on here stay with me long after I have closed this site - yours is one of them - and I will pray for comfort for you during this most difficult time.
Just keep repeating to yourself that time will help and let yourself know that its OK that you made the decision you did.... I dont know you, but I'm sending out a big hug, take care of yourself and remember - with everyday, you will get stronger....
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