[LasVegasMom]

Thank you all for your encouraging advice. I'll be honest, this year is starting off so differently from last year when my son and I were in reunion, still in our first face-to-face time and actually on 1/2/08 was the day he returned to Jersey. I still remember hugging him so tightly at the airport and him just laughing and telling me he would be back, we would see each other again. I was so sad to see him go, but he was so happy because he was sure this was the beginning of our time together not the end. Now I feel like it's the end and it makes me so sad that i'm starting to cry as I write this. Anyhow my daughter in law is difficult to understand sometimes (she is from poland) but i believe that her cancer has not spread, the dr's want to operate on her but they are letting her make arrangements for reconstructive surgery at same time (breast cancer) so they told her they wanted to operate in 4 weeks. I believe this is good news, but we will really only know everything for sure when they open her up. It would be so much easier if my son just took the phone and told me what was going on, but he won't-even though she was talking to me in the car-he was driving-all he had to do was take the phone from her and talk to me but of course he didn't. It is absolutely heartbreaking to me that he won't talk to me and i try to think of his reasons-is it to please his amom-is it because he really hates me-is it because he has backed himself into a corner and now is too stubborn to say-oh, she isn't that bad-is it because he doesn't care? I don't know his reasons but now is wife is sick and I would like to talk to him about that as well. Anyhow, I'm going to try really really hard to take care of myself in 2009. I'm going to try and back off this relationship just a bit-try to give myself some breathing room and only speak to my daughter in law every other day or maybe even once or twice a week. My husband told me not to email or text him anymore, just let him come to me. He will realize that he needs me, he will miss me, whatever, and he will come back. My DIL thinks he is trying to please his amom and is afraid she will cut him off if he contacts me again. They are living in his aparents house now and were going to move out but my DIL's illness has them staying there at least another couple of months. MY DIL says that once they are out of that house, she knows he will contact me and that he is not in contact with me mainly to please his amom. I'm worried that he may never contact me ever again and I just don't know how I would live my life without him in it. Right now, i'm living on the hopes he will contact me but I don't know how I could face that reality if it became my reality.