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It's hard to say where to find the happy stories because I thought I was one...if you read some old posts, I was the person saying: this can work fairly easy, these kids can come to you with few or no problems...
HA, HA, HA...both my adopted kiddos have attachment disorder. It was always there - as were the signs - but this lady wanted so badly to have a great story that I ignored it. Also, be SURE you and DH are on the same page. Most of the time attachment falls squarely on Mom's shoulders and the maniupulation my kids work on with their dad - well, it kept my DH from believing anything was wrong for a long time. That's hard - my marriage has suffered in many ways as has my sanity. We also have an older bio son...and to be honest I would not do it again if I knew then what I know now. At least not with DS2. I can honestly say that, right now, he is ripping my family to pieces. At the same exact time, we are seeing huge strides with DD...but I don't even feel I have time to celebrate them as DS2 will be doing something terrible at the same time. Therefore, I would say that given the choice - adopting one older child is enough (at a time)...if it goes well, move forward again.
It's sad for me to say these things - I want ALL children to find a home...I've just realized that a home isn't enough - it must be a home that can deal with the issues that each child may bring.
Also, as PP mentioned...your attachment could be a hard part to...I struggled to attach to them (even when I thought they were doing great). It's hard to explain...but they just didn't feel like they were totally my children. Now, I realize that the little ploys were always there and they don't really think they are my children, so I was getting signs from them and not understanding. If I'm making myself sound stupid here, it's because I was. Coming back into control is hard...so just start there! Good luck!
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