[cetalley]

Originally Posted by Foundoutat50

I think you need to give your amom some time to adjust. How much time and energy you give your bmom will be a big factor in how your amom deals with this new relationship in your life. Have you taken amom to lunch? if you can't afford that, have you done something thoughtful for her to let her know that she isn't going to be replaced? You've got to talk to her and let her know how you feel about her and what you hope your relationship with your bmom will be.

Speaking from experience as an amom, I've willingly poured everything I could into my DD and it would break my heart to be replaced. Yes, DD's bmom is younger, bears a strong resemblance to DD, shares her interest in music, has the same health issues. I can't help it that I'm older, don't like Metallica, don't resemble DD. Those things didn't seem important when she was a crying infant, when I was throwing birthday parties, sewing costumes, holding hands during scary times, cuddling in bed during bad dreams, guiding, cooking, cleaning. I'm the one who has dealt with skipping school, poor choices that I won't begin to talk about here, debts, hostility, struggles with being adopted, so much more. Bmom missed a lot of really wonderful experiences but she's also missed some dreadful things too.

. I have always told DD that her bmom loved her so much she made a very selfless and courageous decision. I can't help it that we don't have that bio connection and I wish with all my heart that I could be her bmom.

As an adoptee, I do know that I wish I'd had the opportunity to meet my bmom, not to find a new mom (better, kinder, funnier, more like me in appearance, whatever else) but just as a friend, maybe more like a favorite aunt ... I hope I would have been able to have some sort of relationship with her and I hope that I would have had the wisdom to make it one that would not have hurt or threatened my amom.

Foundoutat50, You are correct about being the one lucky enough to raise your daughter....however, I am taken aback at at the comment made about YOUR daughters FIRSTMOM! I feel it was very disrespectful, not so much towards Firstmom...but towards your daughter. I hope you come to a better understanding, that we in the triad, did only what , at the time was our solution. There are even some of us FIRSTMOMS, whom were not careless, and further more had NO CHOICE. I pray my twin sons mother is of a different mind about adoption, and if she is not, that if not, she does not pass her insecurities and jealousy on to them. I also think that had it not been for YOUR beautiful daughters' Firstmom not"TAKING PRECAUTIONS AND GOT PREGNANT" you my dear fellow triad member would not have a daughter! Sorry if this sounds rude, it is not supposed to be, it is meant to show how disappointed a person such as the OP , may take your attitude the wrong way...as possibly I may have. The best advice I can give to our Darling OP, please..please...try to understand your mom, she is the person whom has given her all to be able to parent you. We as parents are not perfect...we do have insecurities, and become insecure at times, even though we know better. Hug your mom, sit down and have the one-on-one with her, and never hide how you feel about either one of your MOTHERS, it took both of them to get you to young vibrant, independent person you are today.