|
I think you need to give your amom some time to adjust. How much time and energy you give your bmom will be a big factor in how your amom deals with this new relationship in your life. Have you taken amom to lunch? if you can't afford that, have you done something thoughtful for her to let her know that she isn't going to be replaced? You've got to talk to her and let her know how you feel about her and what you hope your relationship with your bmom will be.
Speaking from experience as an amom, I've willingly poured everything I could into my DD and it would break my heart to be replaced. Yes, DD's bmom is younger, bears a strong resemblance to DD, shares her interest in music, has the same health issues. I can't help it that I'm older, don't like Metallica, don't resemble DD. Those things didn't seem important when she was a crying infant, when I was throwing birthday parties, sewing costumes, holding hands during scary times, cuddling in bed during bad dreams, guiding, cooking, cleaning. I'm the one who has dealt with skipping school, poor choices that I won't begin to talk about here, debts, hostility, struggles with being adopted, so much more. Bmom missed a lot of really wonderful experiences but she's also missed some dreadful things too. I wasn't the one who didn't take precautions and got pregnant when it wasn't the 'right time', nor did I make the decision to allow DD to be adopted but I've given everything I've got to taking her place. I have always told DD that her bmom loved her so much she made a very selfless and courageous decision. I can't help it that we don't have that bio connection and I wish with all my heart that I could be her bmom.
As an adoptee, I do know that I wish I'd had the opportunity to meet my bmom, not to find a new mom (better, kinder, funnier, more like me in appearance, whatever else) but just as a friend, maybe more like a favorite aunt ... I hope I would have been able to have some sort of relationship with her and I hope that I would have had the wisdom to make it one that would not have hurt or threatened my amom.
|