Muchdestiny, You have been given some ever-so wise advice, none of which I am very good at. However like some of the others, I feel 10 weeks into pregnancy, is just too soon to be making such heartbreaking decisions. You are young, but so wise it seems too. You have 2 young lovely children and like most of us struggle with make the paycheck stretch just far enough to the next pay-day. So many of us Firstmoms' had no choice, (or felt that way at the time) and we relinquished. My situation was started out being about material things that I felt I could not provide to my twin sons. I too had a 6 yr old at the time...and I too was 25 yrs old. The biggest mistake I have EVER made was relinquishing my twin sons. I never thought for 1 second about the ramifications this act would cause for me and those boys. I did not think of the facts of turning my babies over to complete strangers, in the way of , allowing them to be raised by people I had never met and knew nothing of their lifestyles or ways. I still 22 yrs later know NOTHING! I often, most days, wonder if they were abused, raised by alcoholics, were they sexually abused, mentally abused, were they happy, were they even together? You get my drift! Just because we relinquish our children for a supposed BETTER LIFE, does not guarantee us that...they only get a DIFFERENT life, of which , when we sign those papers is irreversible...can never be changed. I to this day have no knowledge of my twins, I have recently learned the agency i went through was not licensed, has numerous felony counts, and is under numerous extortion charges, along with illegal practice to handle any adotions. I learned this had been done the beginnig of 1986, I relinquished in March 1986. This has only added to my guilt and grief, but at the same time of learning of this I have also learned they are or were together when adopted. Not a huge comfort, but relieved me of not knowing before. The agency basically gave me 2 choices...either go sign those papers the next day, or chance losing not only them, but losing my 6 yr old too. Although this is not a daily event with adoption agencies, it is of little comfort to me. I live in a state of what I call pergatory..stuck, never able to move forward, but yet cannot go back either. Yes , some days are easier, but a mother never forgets, and continues to mourn her loss. I know I have rambled on ...but if this can give you some thought of what happens when a mother releases her child, especially if in our hearts we know we can find a way to make it work, she will carry this burden for life. It is not a nice "CLUB", (FIRSTMOMS/BIRTHMOMS CLUB) to belong to, and there are far to many members. You sound as if you hope to keep this baby...my final advice....wait until you are holding that baby and have spent time with YOUR child...if you can look into those GOD given beautiful eyes and KNOW in your heart the baby would be better with a new Mommy, then and only then you can relinquish. That child know nothing of material objects, a child needs very little...you all ready kinow this...with the exception of being loved by the ONLY mommy it has bonded with for 9 months. I hope you keep coming to post, vent, yell, or whatever...we will listen. I send this with blessings...please enjoy your children and this pregnancy, your husband will fall into the line...eventually!
